Leather and Glitter

Top 50 Female Pop Albums for people who were 23 to 38 in 2003

Poet society…what?  Yes, Cardi, Miley, Megan, Beyonce, Taylor and Nicki make “albums.”  Strewn together as 99 cent single streaming pieces, these ‘kids today’ don’t value an emotional arc, deep cut songwriting, avant garde interludes nor the concept album. 

Thankfully, those of us early 80s babies who still buy vinyl have memories that transcend Tik Tok, Instagram, weed, and mindless VH1 staple programming on subscription services. 

It goes without saying that the Beyhive, the Barbz, the Swifties nor the Little Monsters would exist without the Lambs.

1.      Mama’s Gun / Erykah Badu (2000)

Calling this record “pop music” is like calling Tom Brady an American soccer star.  “Yet and still,” (a favorite phrase of Badu’s grandmama) this is the record that takes us soul pop fans from the 1990s to the 2000s with an effortless, gentle funk that both subverts and celebrates classic R&B.  “Cleva” is the feminist-lite anthem that Beyonce could never write; the ruthlessly ego-driven “…& On” is a sequel to her breakout hit that actually surpasses it; “Kiss Me on My Neck (Hesi)” is an orgy of Egypt mythology filtered through Parliament/Funkadelic worthy production.  “In Love With You,” the moody Stephen Marley duet, ebbs and flows like a drunken consummation night; “Green Eyes” is our generation of alternative sexuality’s breakup ode.  Then there’s the speaker melting “Penitentiary Philosophy,” where the spirits of Sly Stone and Betty Davis emerge via Badu in equal measure.  “Didn’t cha know” is the spiritual guide to the beginning of the aughts.  Of course the smash remix of “Bag Lady” can only be found on vinyl or imported CD single…but the original, understated reggae-lite track is found here in its original glory.  “Pack light”…indeed.  You may want some dark rum.

2.      The Velvet Rope / Janet Jackson (1997)

 Choosing between this and “Mama’s Gun” is like hacking off a thumb on either hand in order to save the other, and truth be told, it is a tie.  Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis had spent a previous decade and a half making a new genre of dance music, via their protégé Ms. Jackson after being fired by Prince.  “Control” was the breakout smash that shouldn’t have been; the SOS Band (another production venture for J&L) lingered on the R&B charts far longer than anyone expected.  With Madonna’s “Ray of Light” imminent and the “Waiting to Exhale” soundtrack having already dominated, Janet, Jimmy, Terry, and co. helmed the midpoint answer to both records, creating the pure template for the electronica meets R&B that flows so strategically today. 

“The Exorcist”-sampling title track unleashes Damita Jo’s demons from the outset: this is rock-funk from another dimension of R&B.  “Empty” is perhaps the deepest of deep Janet cuts, emulating cybersex more than a decade before Grindr, fusing Jackson harmonies with Bjork-inspired trips and traps.  It’s no accident this track opened her Vegas residency concerts.  “Free Xone” is the ultimate anti homophobia funkscape, and “My Need” takes a sample of Diana Ross’ “Love Hangover” to the after hours club in NYC (or is it London?)  “Together Again” is her most shimmering, glittering disco song that rivals Donna Summer’s best, but has not aged particularly well.  I prefer, of course, the downbeat remix on from the single. “Go Deeper.” And just to let Erykah, Maxwell, D’angelo and Brandy know – she gives straight neo soul a nuanced pop star energy, with “Got til Its Gone” and its Q – Tip infected (and J Dilla produced?) groove, then giving Mary J. and Madonna runs for their corporate cash with “I Get Lonely” and “Rope Burn,” respectively. 

3.      Erotica / Madonna (1992)

Were I not a dyed in the wool R&B fan, first and foremost, then my most favorite pop album by the greatest pop star to ever live would easily top this list.  On another day, I may change this ranking to feature Erotica at number one.  Britney Spears’ “Blackout,” Beyonce’s “Lemonade,” Christina Aguilera’s drrrty romps and “WAP” are all wannabes.  Fan of Chicago house?  “Deeper and Deeper” is the best dance single of the 90s.  Jazz enthusiast?  Check out the housey sonic equivalent of a jacuzzi, her cover of “Fever,” a should-have-been-A-side-single with the most gloriously synthetic dance video of all time.  “Secret Garden” knocks and “Justify My Love” sequel “Waiting” kicks.  

The spoken word, almost rapped, Kool and the Gang sampling seedy romp of a title track still sounds as if it were released today – or possibly next year.  A decadent sex romp through the intimacy-through-one-night-stand early 90s, which ultimately explores the consequences of casual sex (AIDS on “In this Life,” empty hedonism on “Bad Girl,” heartbreak on “Thief of Hearts” and “Rain,”), the desire for a then 34 year old maverick to have a child of her own subtly emerges on the acid jazz album closer “Secret Garden,” which could be what Pablo Neruda sounded like on mushrooms (also featuring her most brilliant lyric “I know it’s in here somewhere/I just wish I knew the color of my hair.”)  Whether threatening to break her lover’s mistress’s legs or asking to have be pleased after a long day of work (the greasy “Where Life Begins”) or cursing out an unrequited lover on an answering machine (how very 1992), or fellating a doll in the first video for the album release, this album dwarfs any prepackaged corporate jingle about gold teeth female satisfaction.

4.      New Amerykah Pt. 1 / Erykah Badu (2008)

When Erykah Badu rapped alongside musical cohort, indie R&B darling Georgia Ann Muldrow, “I stay woke,” few knew what to make of the phrase.  Or this album.  Teetering on overly medicated garage band mixing and distorting digital beats until the woozy, bluesy bleeps and blips threaten to muck up the songwriting in this masterpiece, this is an Artist at her creative peak.  Then 37 year old Badu claimed to offer “no solutions,” just “observations.”  A meditation on gun violence, ghetto life, crackheads, consumerism, child rearing and Kemet, starring Badu as equal parts Mos Def and Marvin Gaye, this is not so much a traditional album as it is a Blaxploited soundtrack to a stoned, bordering midlife crisis, Messiah-complected-ghetto-superstar’s-wombiverse.  Earl Sweatshirt, Janelle Monae’s Cindi Mayweather android, and Kendrick Lamar have built careers on the back of this underrated jem.

5.      Relish / Joan Osborne (1995) 

6.      Worldwide Underground / Erykah Badu (2003)

7.      Diva / Annie Lennox (1992)

8.      Bedtime Stories / Madonna (1994)

9.      Madonna / Madonna (1983)

10. Janet Jackson / janet. (1993)

11. Tori Amos / from the choirgirl hotel (1998)

12. Tina Turner / Private Dancer (1984)

13. Like A Virgin / Madonna (1984)

14. Medusa / Annie Lennox (1995)

15. Little Earthquakes / Tori Amos (1992) (I know the format changes 🙂 )

16. Like A Prayer / Madonna (1989)

17. New Amerykah Part Two: Return of the Ankh / Erykah Badu (2010)

18. Gloria Estefan / Let it Loose (1986)

19. Sheryl Crow / Sheryl Crow (1996)

20. Jagged Little Pill / Alanis Morissette (1995)

21. True Blue / Madonna (1986)

22. Rhythm Nation 1814 / Janet Jackson (1989)

23. Control / Janet Jackson (1986)

24. Baduizm / Erykah Badu (1997)

25. Tina Turner / Wildest Dreams (1996)

26. Brandy / Afrodisiac (2004)

27. Aaliyah / One in a Million (1996)

28. American Life / Madonna (2003)

29. Supa Dupa Fly / Missy “Misdemeanor” Elliott

30. Im Your Baby Tonight / Whitney Houston (1990)

31. Live / Erykah Badu (1998)

32. Bare / Annie Lennox (2003) (if you know you know)

33. Ill Na Na / Foxy Brown (1996)(if you really know, you know)

34. The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill / Lauryn Hill (1998)(everyone knows)

35. Ray of Light / Madonna (1998) (If we have to in 2024)

36. Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel / Mariah Carey (2009)

37. Brandy / Full Moon (2002)

38. Aaliyah / Aaliyah (2001)

39. Jill Scott / Who is Jill Scott? (2000)

40. The Globe Sessions / Sheryl Crow (1998)

41. To Venus and Back / Tori Amos (1999)

42. Sade / Love Delux (1992)

43. Madonna / Confessions on a Dancefloor (2005) (we still have to in 2024)

44. Gloria Estefan / Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss me (1995)

45. Mariah Carey / Mariah Carey (1990)

46. Whitney Houston / Whitney Houston (1986)

47. Tina Turner / Foreign Affair (1989)

48. Sade / Promise (1985) Literally IF YOU KNOW YOU KNOW KNOW

49. Sade / Love is Stronger than Pride (1988)

50. Janet Jackson / Dream Street (1982) YOU DON’T KNOW

51. Honorable Mention: Glitter / Mariah Carey (2001) BECAUSE … BECAUSE

I would mention Fiona Apple and Amy Winehouse but they’re too late as debuting artists. Natalie Cole would be number one if I could rank “Pink Cadillac” as a full LP. I do realize FA debuted a year or so before Erykah, but Erykah is so Gen X herself she has to be the star of the show. Fine, nevermind….

MOST HONORABLE MENTION SHOULD BE IN TOP TEN

000000.01 = When the pawn hits the conflicts he thinks like a king
What he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight
And he’ll win the whole thing ‘fore he enters the ring
There’s no body to batter when your mind is your might
So when you go solo, you hold your own hand
And remember that depth is the greatest of heights
And if you know where you stand, then you know where to land
And if you fall it won’t matter, cuz you’ll know that you’re right